


How Did It All Happen?

by wilari



Category: Shameless US - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 01:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilari/pseuds/wilari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a little something, that might be Mickeys thoughts after thse last episode.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Did It All Happen?

**Author's Note:**

> I did write this after the last episode and uplouded it on lj, but now I decedid to edit it a little bit and uploud it here. Hope you enjoy. It's basically just my head-canon on Mickey's thought. I love this boy to death.  
> I love hearing your thoughts on this, as it is my first shameless-fic ever.  
> enjoy ♥

Mickey couldn’t really recall when it all went so out of his hand.  
But as he sat on his bed trying hard not to cry, because _a Milkovich did not fucking cry! Never! Except when you were a fucking girl._ _Which he wasn’t, thank you very much._ He just knew it was all too much for him, he couldn’t handle all this anymore, this wasn’t supposed to happen! None of it.  
At the beginning it was supposed to be just fun. Ian was a good, quick, uncomplicated (at least back then) fuck, and it felt _nice_ so Mickey did anything but complain about it. Of course he had known from the beginning that he was playing with the fire, if or better _when_ his dad would find out…

That of course had to happen to them, but if Mickey was being honest, that had not exactly been the pin point moment, where it all changed. But what had the pin point moment been then?  
Their first kiss? Probably, that had been a big steep, a steep too big Mickey did know now. He had have his reasons not to kiss, he had known that kissing someone was no good. He hadn’t avoided that topic for so long without a reason. But fuck this Gallagher kid, whit his too big heart, damn lips and his ability to make Mickey feel shitty, like he wasn’t enough for Ian. And giving Mickey that scary feeling of losing Ian, so he eventually gave in and kissed him.

And from that one their relationship continued fast into a new direction, it wasn’t all about fucking anymore, though that was still the biggest part, but maybe for the first time in a long time Mickey allowed himself to be happy, to enjoy himself, to have fun while Ian was around. And damn that boy was fun. They laughed endless times together, and sometimes even behaved a little couplish if Mickey was too careless. 

_Fuck_ , Mickey thought as he run his hands through his hair, graving his head into his hands and feeling at least three drops of tears running down his face, despite his best efforts to keep them locked inside. Because fuck he wasn’t a weak pussy that just sat around and cried because his fuck buddy (Mickey couldn't let himself think of them as anything else) left the town. 

They had been so happy, at the time his dad had found out. Too happy, because happy makes people carless, makes them forget that the world is not perfect, that nothing works out as you want it too. Made Mickey forget that he didn’t believe in love, that love and feelings were something happening in movies and songs, but this, _this_ was real world, this was fucking life and you can’t be happy in real life, you just can’t. It doesn’t happen, not at all.  
fucking. Yeah fucking was what Mickey believed in, that he knew, that he knew he could trust, that he was good at. That he knew he wouldn’t fuck up (literally).

But he somehow managed to fuck up that too, or his dad did that for him, if you see it that way.  
Too careless had been the reason. And then it all just was like a nasty, unwelcome wake up from a too good dream. Reality was thrown into Mickeys face without a warning and as unwelcome as cold water in the morning.  
For the next few weeks he felt like his whole world was breaking apart, and all he could think was _Milkovich did not fucking cry! Keep your shit together!_ , because that was what his dad had always taught him, and he figured now that he had disappointed him so much, he must do something to try and make him proud again.

Also he still had that Gallagher kid following him around, he just didn’t seem to get the message and fuck of, because Mickey needed alone time. Time for himself.  
Time to think even. Or just time to get drunk.  
Because that Russian girl he fucked one time, was pregnant (another reason to just fuck boys, it’s so much saver) and he had to marry her. Because 1. his father would be proud again, maybe, hopefully? and 2. he still had something like an honor at least a little bit.

But all the thinking also made him realize that he needed Ian, that Ian was now a part of his life. That though he could live without him, it hurted and why should you hurt yourself if you can be happy? 

When Ian showed up at the wedding, and begged him not to do it. He had felt so helpless, so stupid, so broken. He needed to do it, and he needed to see Ian happy. So much he had figured at that time. So he gave him another kiss, hoping it would least for a while, until he had something else figured out. Until this was over. Until he maybe awoke from this nightmare. Maybe he could just go back to the times where fucking didn’t mean anything and was just fun.  
Where Ian didn’t make everything in a big mess of emotions, Mickey couldn’t admit himself to have. 

But it was only now, when he sat on his bed, the bed he and Ian had first fucked in, that he really, really started to notices how much he was contained in all this. That Ian did really matter to him, he even was so far to admit to himself that he was in love with that kid. That what they had shared had been and still is something real. Something he was not ready to lose, something he maybe could never get back.  
And that he had seriously fucked up this time. Big times.  
Ian was not coming back, for the next four years. And who knows what would happen in that time, nobody. And definitely not Mickey. And that scared him. Scared him to death. Because all of that was now just breaking down on him. Ian leaving, his sister being stupidly right and fuck, him realizing he is in love with Ian and god damn it. How was he supposed to live on? Okay actually that is a dump question. He just will. Everything will just carry on that’s the truth. The world is going to carry on turning, carry on moving, he will go to work, smoke, fuck, get high, but he will also miss Ian.  
And he will ask himself if he could have stopped Ian. If finishing the sentence “Please don’t go!” would have made him stay. But he will also know that it’s too late to find out. Because he’s a fucking coward (Ian has been right about that two. Too scared to admit that he’s gay and in love and now it’s too late).  
And there will be lots of time, where he will just ask himself how this all happened. How something that was supposed to be just fucking and stress relief, had turned into something so serious, so powerful. He also had not answer to this.


End file.
